Wine – People Don’t Actually Like It
People don’t actually like wine, they like the thought of liking it. They like to entertain the aesthetic they think wine brings. It’s the thought of being mature for some, romance for others, regardless of what it is no one likes the taste. No Chelsea, you can’t taste any notes. People say the most random shit. They pull it out of thin air. “I’m tasting some lemon, a little charred wood, with a hint of bullshit.”
One time I saw my brother, Nick, drink two bottles of wine and puke all over my cousin’s curtains because he didn’t like the taste. We both had to go to a wedding the next day with my family and Nick felt terrible because the wine was most likely spoiled. He had a headache and was easily irritated all morning. Poor guy. Although he could barely hold any fluids down all morning, he was able to finally get a couple refreshing beers in him. He felt better immediately because he enjoyed the taste and the physical/emotional relief the beer gave him.
I like to think in order to become a Sommelier, one would have to take a similar training course companies like CutCo Knives and Insight Global provide to their new hires. It’s basically a crash course which explains different manipulation tactics by telling a series of lies. SommeLiars are usually coked out racing around fancy restaurants trying to get you to buy the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu. They will start by recommending a couple mid-priced bottles and finish their spiel by saying, “my favorite bottle, is the Caviar Sauvigeen Blanc”… priced at $980.
It’s a nice hot summer day at the lake, are you reaching for a glass of wine or a beer? You are taking that cold refreshing beer. And good lord, don’t get me started on the girls that come back from studying abroad in Italy and rave about the wine as if American’s have never tasted wine before. An article about the study abroad girls may have to be next. The bottom line is that no one really enjoys the taste of wine, rather they like to hold the wine glass and post pictures of their wine.
You’re probably an asshole if you have you ever cooked a home meal for a couple friends and offered them a glass of wine. There is a large amount of ego that drives the question, “would you like some wine?” and here’s why. They don’t like the taste, you don’t like the taste. The only reason you offered them that glass of wine was to artificially enhance your image. Relax.
