Keep God Out Of Coffee Shops
I want to start out on a positive note. I am a devout Catholic. The more I learn and educate myself on theology and philosophy, the story of Christianity just keeps making more sense. A religion where faith and logic are intertwined which gives purpose to suffering and hope for a paradise to come. A heaven even better than a sunny and 75 Aldean’s Rooftop on a College Football Saturday.
Now… I’ve about had it with coffee shops. I am so pro “Keep God out of Coffee Shops”. Why is the local bistro now a Young Life meet and greet? What the hell is going on? It always starts out the same way. A guy in his late 20’s or early 30’s sits down by himself at a table for two (journal and pen in hand). The man patiently waits. Little does this man know, that I am patiently waiting as well. Patiently waiting for my morning to be ruined. Five minutes passes and boom there it is, a younger girl, about 18 or 19 years old, walks in the front door. Looking around lost until the two of them lock eyes. She orders a coffee, paces over to him as he says “Thanks for meeting.”
I was in the middle of an email. I can’t focus anymore. Sweat condensates above my left brow as this young freshman college girl squeezes through the narrow passage separating our tables while finding her seat. We make slight eye contact as I hit her with a soft (arguably fake) smile. Out of my left ear, 15 minutes of surface level conversation proceeds between the two until the word “testimony” was brought up. We are now deep in the weeds baby. This freshman in college is apparently still trying to “figure things out”. She is pouring her problems out to this evangelical youth group leader. Crazy concept: Going through situational changes like attending your first year at a university will likely cause at least some sort of situational anxiety, uncomfortableness, and insecurity. It seems that this is the target market for some youth group leaders.
“Testimony”, a term introduced to me when I moved to the south. Something I learned in the Bible Belt of Tennessee was that everyone is supposed to have some come to Jesus moment in their lives where they accept Jesus and they are saved. Apparently, life lessons mixed with a constant and progressive development of your interior life isn’t the way to go. Rather, having Pastor Steve grip the back of your hair while aggressively slamming your face under a tub of water three times as he says, “in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit” and on the third time he holds your head under the water with his elbow hyperextended locked into place as he whispers into your ear with clenched teeth, “say it bitch”. Then you recognize the power this man has as you begin to struggle to breath and scream “I accept the lord Jesus Christ as my Savior” the moment he rips your head out of the water… is the way to go.
As I have listened to multiple “Testimonies” at the coffee shop, I have noticed a common theme. They are rarely routed in any logic. The true pandemic going around is emotional diarrhea. Just shitting on everyone else’s day. Now I’m not saying this transpositional life moment can’t ever take place with an emotional conversation. Just don’t do it in a public setting for God’s sake. As long as it isn’t an emotional therapy session and I am not interrupting anyone else, a faith based conversation rooted in logical theology and philosophy gets me fired up.
Peace and Love
